All I Ask
by ouatfab
Summary: After a bachelor party, Emma goes to Regina's house and everything changes. A painful request, a confessed love in one night. But then Regina leaves the town, she wasn't strong enough to watch Emma get married after all they did.


Did you ever feel your world fall apart when your lover is actually loving someone else?

I should have known that agreeing with Mary Margaret would be a bad idea. But everything in the last years was a bad idea.

Emma's wedding is in almost 36 hours and now, after a bachelor party, Emma's coming with me. To my house. Just me and her. It was nearly 2 AM when Mary and their other guests — who consisted of Ruby, Belle, Lily and Elsa — decided to go home, but Emma and her pretty precious brain said it was too early to her, so I stayed.

Not that it surprised anyone. I always stay when Emma says she wants me to.

My hands shook as I unlocked the door and could barely feel my legs as she walked through the open door, entering my house. A suffer sight escaped my mouth when I remembered how my house was almost her house.

"So," She broke our silence as we went to my office. And I waited, but it seems that was her only sentence.

"So," I repeated. She stood weirdly in front of the black couch and for the first time tonight, I didn't know what to say to her. "Sit, miss Swan. I'll get you a drink."

"Oh, what happened?" She said, as I turned my back and filled two glasses of apple cider.

"Why?" She looked into my eyes and I tried too hard to not look away.

"You called me 'miss Swan' and you only do it when there's something wrong." She said, her eyes never leaving mine. I know I should answer, but what would I say? And then she continued, "What's wrong, Regina?" So low I wasn't sure if she'd even said anything.

"Nothing, Emma."

"See? Now you said my name because you're avoiding something."

"I'm not avoiding anything." I sighed. "Where this is coming from? We spent more than half a night together and you did not seem to care whether or not I was avoiding something."

"So you are?" She smirked.

"Oh, please, Emma. Do I look like someone who avoids something?" I took a sip, looking away for a moment.

"Not usually." I could feel her eyes on me. "But now? Yes."

"What do you think I'm avoiding, Emma?" I said, looking at her.

"Well, that's what I'm trying to figure out."

"There's nothing here for you to find out." I said harshly.

"Are you sure?"

"Of course I am." I thought I'd take another sip, but I know my hand would be shaking even harder now, and it would ruin everything. "Can we just keep going with your after party?

After a moment of silence, her eyes finally left mine and she sighed. "Of course."

"Great."

And then an awkward silence hung over us. My eyes were focused in something that no one would see in my clothes, so I was using it to pretend I had something to distract me.

"So," she said again and I almost smiled. She was nervous and I had no idea why.

"So what?"

"I don't know. Is everything up to tomorrow?"

When her words left her mouth, a cold got inside me. And I couldn't say anything for a moment. "You tell me that." I said, and this time I sounded so low that after ten seconds, I was no sure if she had listened to me.

"Yeah." She said and I felt compelled to look at her. "I guess."

"Something's wrong?" I couldn't help but ask and she looked at me.

"I- I don't know." Confusion was all I was reading in her eyes. "I just feel like I'm doing something wrong." She said and my heart missed a beat. "Something really wrong."

"So why are you doing it?" I felt my heart sink into my chest and held my breath as I waited for her answer.

It didn't come. So I reformulated the question. "I mean, why do you feel it?"

Her green eyes were so focused on me that I was sure that they're reading my whole soul in less than five seconds. "I don't know?" She said, but it seemed like a question.

I turned the glass over, feeling it trickle down my throat and then got up to refill my glass again, not asking if Emma wanted hers to be refilled again because she didn't even touched it.

I sat down and without thinking twice, my eyes were staring at her. She is so beautiful. Even a little drunk. Her blond hair, falling into soft curls on her back, and her emerald eyes. I could definitely look at her every single day and never get tired of it. There's something in Emma that I will never understand, she don't even had to struggle to get my full attention because there is no way on earth I would be with her in the same room and don't look at her as she is the sun of my entire galaxy.

I did not know when it all started, but it probably was before our first kiss years ago. My skin prickled as I remembered how good it felt to be in her arms. I could not stop my mind from going to those old days. Not that there were many, no more than two or three nights, but it still seems an eternity. I closed my eyes and traveled to the touch of Emma's fingers on my skin and the guilt that came to my mouth was so acid. She was on my side and I could not touch her. Not the way I wanted it. Before I could control, my eyes filled with tears and my throat tightened.

I've been trying so hard not to feel like this. I've been trying to do what's best for her. Although it hurts, I can not be the kind of person who stood in front of the happiness of the person she loves. And I love Emma. I love her with all my heart. I love her the way I never thought it would be possible after Daniel. And I accepted that a long time ago. A long, long time ago. Then there is no way for me to be among her happiness. Even if it kills me the moment she enters to marry that man.

Of all who could deserve her less, she chooses who will never be enough for her. But who am I to tell her this? I'm just her bridesmaid. The other mother of her son. The one who once destroyed her life. And there's nothing I can do to change that.

"Regina, can you hear me?" Her voice brought me back to reality and I thought it might break me.

"Not really, sorry. I got distracted. "I sighed, looking away because looking into her eyes was dangerous. She'll always take me when she was mine, even for a few seconds. "What were you saying?"

"Nevermind." She finally took a sip from her glass. "It's not important at all."

"Do not be a child, Emma."

"Where were you thinking?" She changed the subject and I felt my hands begin to shake again.

"Nothing that matters." I said, coldly, hoping that was enough to make her change the subject again. But it did not work.

"Liar." She said. "I don't know why you're still trying to lie to me after all these years."

 _Because telling the truth would make you run away from me and I don't think I can handle it_ , that's what I wanted to tell her, but instead, I said, "I'm not lying."

"Yes, you are." She touched my hand and I felt like I was about to cry. I know it was a friendly touch, but I couldn't help myself from all the feelings that awakened within me.

"Emma..." My hand touched hers and I sighed painfully. "Can we just skip this and talk about tomorrow?"

"Why?"

"Because if we don't, I'll probably cross a line that I should not." I was honest. "So, please, can we just not make it any more complicated than it really is?"

She didn't answer me. Instead, she left my hand and started pacing the room.

"Talk to me, Regina," she said, not really looking at me. "I know I made a mistake when I brought Marian back, but-"

"Wait." I interrupted. "What?"

"Do not do this, I know you didn't forgive me for bringing her back and destroying your second chance." She said and for the first time that night, I felt her pain.

"Do you think Robin was my second chance?" I get up, looking at her back. "Are you serious?"

"Of course, that's what that fairy said, is not it?" She didn't look back.

"Years ago, Emma. Years ago. Things change. I changed." I was almost desperate when those words came out of my mouth.

"So, why, Regina?" She finally looked at me. "Why do you look at me with so much pain in your eyes and it makes me feel like I'm hurting you in a way no one else has done?"

"Because-" I stopped. Is not fair. I could never do that to her after everything I've ever done.

"Because...?" We looked at each other, my heart breaking a little more when I saw her almost tears. "For God's sake, talk to me!" She yelled and I shuddered. "Why can't you just talk to me?" She took a few steps, standing in front of me, looking at me so deeply that I held my breath. Her hands touched my face and my eyes closed, she let her forehead touch mine. "Why are you doing this to me?"

"I'm not doing anything to you, Emma." I whispered. "I just…"

"What? You what?" She sounds so desperately and my eyes open to stare into hers. Without thinking much — because if I did, I would stop myself —, I put my hands on her face and kissed her. She froze and my heart stopped for a second. But then her hand was on my waist and she was kissing me back.

I wish I could stop the time at that moment. I wish I could feel her lips against mine every day.

But then she pulled away. Giving me her silence.

"We can't do that." She said, but this does not sound as firmly as she thought she did. "Not after all."

"I know." And I really do.

"I should probably go."

She did not move and neither did I. My mind ran so fast, all our moments, all my feelings coming to my mind like a painful reminder of what I'd be losing the next day.

I did not think much after assuming to myself that I loved her. But I always knew it would never be enough, that we did not belong to each other even if I belonged to her. She was not mine. She would never be mine. Emma said that Robin was my second chance, but she never realized that she's my second chance since the day she brought Henry back. Ever since our eyes met for the first time, she was my second chance. And although I know fate is unpredictable, I do not know if I would ever be able to love someone again. Not when I knew I'd had my chance and I saw it running my fingers without doing anything to stop it.

Before I thought it over, I heard myself saying "No." And she turned to look at me. "Do not go, please. I know we're a little drunk, but stay with me, just for tonight and then I'll let you go and I'll be there to support you with what the hell you're doing." I crossed the distance between us and put my hands on her face, watching her eyes close and she held her breath. "I will not apologize for what I did or for what I said. I don't even know why I'm doing this when I know it's going to hurt us — to hurt me. I know it's wrong, but I'm tired of being less selfish. Stay with me, Emma. Tonight is all I'm asking of you." Her eyes widened, as did her mouth, but she said nothing. She held me as her life depended on it, not even knowing that mine depended.

And when our lips collided, my heart lost a beat when I felt so much passion. My hands went to her hair, holding tight, trying to kill my fear that she might disappear at any moment. Her hands held me and the next moment, we were taking off our clothes.

I touched her as if she were the most precious thing I could ever touch. And she was. I tried to make her feel all my love. I tried to make her feel that she was my whole world and how honored I felt to finally touch her.

We love each other. It was not a fuck. I could feel her and I knew she could feel me, too. If Emma didn't know yet, she knew it at that moment. She knew what she was to me. And I tried to forget the thought that in a few hours she would be his. I loved her like it was our last time. And I know it was. Because even with me being their bridesmaid, I couldn't be here and watch them every day. Henry is going to college soon, and I'm going to move on with him. I can't torture myself, even though I know I'm doing what's right. I'll be there for her and then I'll be alone.

We looked into our eyes while we loved. I could see in her eyes a reflection of mine. At that moment, I knew that Emma loved me. But I also knew it was too late. When we were done, we were together on the black couch, her hands on my waist and mine on hers. I knew she would probably get up and run, but then her breathing became lighter. She fell asleep, but I didn't. I could never sleep knowing that in the morning she would not be there. Then I looked at her for hours, memorizing her details, every bit of her. And at some point, my tears ran and I could not do anything to stop them.

At that moment I knew that I would never love again. That when Emma returns to her fairy tale, I would be alone and everything will be fine, because I can't give my heart to someone else. Emma is getting married and will take my heart to her as she has been doing all these years.

The sun began to appear in my office and I felt my heart die when I remembered that she would leave at any moment from now. And so, her eyes began to open, looking at me and I've never felt so loved in my life. But there is no hope for me and I'm okay with it.

"Hey" she said sleepily.

"Hey."

"Didn't you sleep?" She knew the answer. And I took my hands from her, sitting upright and letting her free to go.

"You should go." I said, avoiding her eyes. "Your mother will start looking for you when she opens her eyes. I know her." And at that moment, Emma's phone rang.

"Yes, you're probably right." She said, looking at the screen. And then she got up and started putting on her clothes.

I was breaking inside. So I decided to put on my own clothes so I would have something to do instead of just looking at her.

Emma was ready, and then she came up to me, looking at me deeply. "I can't," sighed Emma and held my hand. "I just can't do this to myself." And then, without letting me answer, she was gone.

I spent my day trying to get my head off my night with Emma, just for today. But that was absolutely impossible.

I just found out that I could not be there exactly thirty minutes earlier. I felt in every part of my being that if I were, I would do something wrong. Something that would hurt Emma. Something I would regret for the rest of my life. Henry was at his grandparents' house and I would not have to pretend to anyone. Actually I was fighting with the desire to run away. I stayed at my officer, declining every call from Snow, looking at the sofa. I thought I should set it on fire, but my body seemed to ignore every command. I sighed once, twice, and then lost count.

Time was passing slowly, and I couldn't help feeling my heart shatter inside me whenever I looked at the clock. Two hours later. By now, Emma should be going for her honeymoon.

Then Henry returned home, entering my officer and looking at me trying to find out something.

"Henry, dear, I want to talk to you." I said. Part of me knew that it was not right to talk to him without thinking straight. But another part of me knew I didn't have many options.

"Yeah, mom, is everything alright?" He was worried.

"Not really." I sighed. "Uh, I don't know how to say it, but I think I should be honest with you. You are about to finish high school and then you'll leave and I'll go with you. But I don't think I can be here until that. Not without breaking down every day. "

"You're talking about Ma, aren't you?" He said, and his voice was so soft that I felt tears coming to my eyes.

"Yes, I am."

"But you can't leave, mom. What will happen to me? Or the town? Or Emma?"

"You'll be here till finish the school and then we'll go wherever you want to, of course you'll be with me on the weekends. And I already talked to your grandma, my mother will take care of the town and everything will be fine. And Emma..." I sighed for the the thousandth time in a few hours. "Emma will be fine."

"Are you sure?" He asked, his eyes worried, but there was a flash of something I could not read. I nodded and he was silent for some minutes. "Where are you going?"

Seven months later, I was waiting for Zelena and Henry. I've been living in New York since I left Storybrooke and avoided every time someone tried to talk to me about Emma. I don't know how she is and I'm not even sure if I want to know.

It was my choice. I know. I know I should not, but I would have died if I had stayed there. But I've been dying since that day. Since before, I guess. I closed my eyes and it didn't take too long to travel into Emma's arms, the way she held me like I was fragile and could break at any moment, the way her lips kissed me so softly and her eyes were looking at me, making me feel the most loved person in the world. And I could have sworn I smelled her scent.

"Mom!" Henry brought me back to reality when he came into my apartment, Zelena was right behind. "I missed you."

"I missed you too, my love. How are you?" I said, holding him close to me.

"I'm fine and you?" He pulled away, looking into my eyes and I smiled at him.

"I'm much better now that you're here." He smiled at me.

"Oh, New York, I missed you." Zelena said wryly, rolling her eyes and hugging me.

"You're so dramatic, Zelena. I missed you too."

After lunch, we were sitting in the living room, I almost felt like months ago. Back home. I knew deeply that home was not a place. Home is where our heart is and no matter how far away I am from Storybrooke, that little town still held my whole heart. My mood was a little better, I was better every day. Or that's what I like to say to myself. _Liar_. Emma's voice sounded in my head and I shook my head to forget.

"So," Zelena broke our silence. "When will you come back home?"

"Hm, never?" I said. We've had that same conversation a billion times.

"You can not be serious, Regina." She sighed, glaring at me. "Your town needs you. Emma-"

"Zelena, stop." I interrupted her.

"Why do you have to go and make things so complicated?" She said and Henry laughed.

"Auntie Zel, I can't believe you're using Avril Lavigne's lyrics to my mother."

"You're a teenager, Zelena Mills," I rolled my eyes. "I wonder where our mother was wrong with you."

"Yeah, maybe, but at least I'm not running away from the person I love without even knowing if she loves me back." Her eyes were furious, in a way that I had never seen before.

"She does not. Please don't ruin the moment."

"You can not know this because you ran away and did not let her say anything." Silence hovered between us. Henry was tense. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, Regina, but you've been an asshole." She finally said and got up, walking to the next room. Five seconds later, she came back. "By the way, I was just pissing you off because we're coming back tomorrow. And when I say 'we' I mean the three of us. "And she left again.

"What?" I looked at Henry.

"So, mom, I have something to tell you… We don't know what is happening, but there's something wrong with Storybrooke. And I think is really bad."

"What is wrong? There's another villain? Or-"

"Storybrooke is disappearing, mom." He said, looking at his own hands.

"What does that mean? That's not possible."

"We thought the same, but then the docks disappeared."

"The docks? Is she… Is she…?"

"She is fine." He said, sadly, knowing who I was talking about and not returning my gaze. "But we fear only you can find out why this is happening once you are the creator."

"I see."

"Maybe… Maybe is just because you're away, you know? Isn't the same since you left." When he looked at me, my heart pounded.

Zelena took us back, I couldn't even control my hands. The sweat was bothering me, but there was nothing I could do to make it stop. Henry fell asleep a few minutes after we left, and Zelena was silent. Which isn't normal, but I did not complain. She turned on the radio and I tried to focus on the low sound. Maybe it worked, because I woke up with my sister shaking my body softly when we got to Mifflin, 108. The moment I opened my eyes, my body felt the energy. Storybrooke was so weak and I could feel it in every part of my being. I felt sick.

"Hey," Zelena said as she helped me into my house. "I have to go now, but I'll be back before sunset. Try to rest, you need this." I nodded and she gave me a kiss on my cheek. "Oh, Henry is with his grandparents." She said and left.

Instead of doing what I was told, I went to my officer. My legs shaking with every step. I could feel all the memories coming back in a hurry. Breathing was difficult.

When I opened the door, I could not stop the tears from flowing down my face. I missed Emma every second we've been away. And miss her was painful. But not as it was now. I sat on the couch, listening to my sobs louder and louder. I don't know how much time passed, but I felt my face dry and I thought there were no more tears. Then I got up and when I started to walk to the minibar, something in the room happened.

I felt it before looking at her.

She was there.

"It's true. You're back."I closed my eyes when I heard her voice. For some reason, I thought that when I opened it back, she would have gone. So I did it slowly. She was still there. Looking at me without expressionless.

"Emma..." She did not answer. "What are you doing here?"

"Why did you left?" I could not tell her. "Do not give me your silent treatment, not after all, Regina Mills. Don't you dare leave me in the dark again."

"I couldn't watch you marry him" I said, feeling my eyes fill with the tears that I thought were over.

"But why didn't you wait for me?"

"Oh, did you expect me to sit there and watch you marry him after all? You must be kidding me! "I yelled. "You knew, Emma, that night you knew everything. Every little thing. Don't be so surprised because I could not watch the woman I love marry someone else."

"I didn't do!" She yelled back, walking towards me. "I could not marry him. I told you," she admitted, and that stopped me for a moment.

"What? I thought you wanted to."

"I tried to. I thought over time I would start to love him. I mean, I love him, but not like that. Not the way I love you," she said, avoiding my eyes. "I thought that after everything we went through, what I was feeling was wrong and I couldn't stay between your happiness, your destiny. So I tried to forget and pull you away, it didn't work. I left that morning to break up with him. It wasn't easy and I did not expect it to be. And then I had to talk to my parents, cancel everything, you know..." She was nervous, I was feeling the room spinning and turning. "But when I came back here, you were already gone. Henry and Zelena told me what happened. And they told me not to look for you. And that was the most ridiculous thing anyone ever said to me." She rolled her eyes. "Henry loves me, you know, but he did not break your trust. Not even for a second. He never told me where you were, but I tried to contact you by Mary and David's phone, but... Well, it all started to get weird, things were fading and the city was fading, my magic was fading. What I think it has to do with you being away for so long. We all missed you, Regina, even your town." She said and I smiled because she was exactly as I remembered. "Or maybe I was just missing you so much that, for some reason, affected everything around me."

"Oh, Emma... I did not know that." I finally said.

"Of course you did not. You did not let me explain anything."

"How could I imagine all this? For God's sake." I rolled my eyes. "Who told you I was back?"

"No one."

"And how did you know that?" I ask, frowning.

"I felt you." She said, looking into my eyes and invading my soul. "You awaken my magic in a way that only you can do. It's like you called for me the moment you crossed the line."

I narrowed the distance between us and I hugged her, feeling her arms tightening around me.

"I missed you so, so much." I said, smelling her.

"I love you, Regina." She said against my hair.

"Do you love me?"

"How many proofs of true love will we have to make for you to realize this?" She smiled, walking towards me.

"Oh." That's what I managed to say, I was listening to her heart beating.

"Can you hear that?" I nodded and she continued. "Beats for you, only for you for so long that I can not even remember when that didn't happen." She kissed me, softly and gently. "And I know yours is mine. So don't run away from me again, please."

"I will not. Never."

Then our lips met again and a feeling of home settled inside me. Home is a person, it is the one that holds your heart.

And finally, I was home again.


End file.
